Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings about Love about schook tumblr about girls Images

Saturday, 8 February 2014

Funny Life Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

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: This joke is a play on the cliche of wanting to die peacefully in your sleep. This familiar statement takes an unexpected twist when we learn that grandpa was, in fact, driving a car full of passengers when he died “peacefully in his sleep.” As a result, those passengers did not die so peacefully! This type of joke, in which the second half of the statement is shocking or unexpected (usually making you see the first part of the statement in a different light), is also called a “paraprosdokian.”

This funny quote presents a clever idea that might possibly work: if you have multiple locks on your door and only lock some of them, someone who tries to pick the lock and assumes that all the locks are engaged will not be able to unpick them all (until, that is, they figure out that not all of the locks were initially locked).

Someone who expects bad things to happen (a pessimist) will expect a negative outcome when they lend you money, which is that you won’t return the money. Wilde is saying that this make pessimists good people to borrow money from — because you would never be expected to pay back the money you owe them! The quote is funny because it pokes fun at pessimists (in reality, most people expect you to return money they lend you, pessimist or not) and assumes the reader is a dishonest person who does not want to pay their debts.

Most people are aware that the planet Saturn is surrounded by rings (you may or may not know that these rings are composed of ice and rocky material). Most people also know that airline luggage often gets lost. While the rings of Saturn are of course not literally composed of lost luggage, this quote is humorous because it makes fun of a frustrating experience many people can relate to — the airline losing your luggage.

: This joke is of the bathroom humor variety. While many quotes about friendship are meant to be taken very seriously, this funny analogy takes a lighthearted (yet not inaccurate!) twist when it compares friendship to peeing your pants.

: Here’s a classic “good news, bad news” joke quote from a master comic. It’s darkly funny because the “good” news is really pretty terrible, and the bad news is implied: once we hear the good news (that the patient is going to have a disease named after him), we already know the bad news (that the patient has a never-bef0re-seen disease). Disease is usually a serious topic, but tasteful jokes on this subject can be especially funny because they make us laugh at our fear of death, rendering it less terrifying.

Quotes that laugh at the perceived differences between the genders (or gender stereotypes) are funny to those who enjoy this kind of humor. The joke here is that men are considered successful if they make a lot of money, but women don’t need to make money to be considered successful; they just need to marry a man who makes a lot of money.

The joke this quote makes is that elderly women are often crazy about the game bingo, so much so that an otherwise nice old lady might utter an obscene word if she loses at bingo. (Plus, most people find it funny to think of a “sweet little 80-year-old lady” saying the “F” word.)

Taking a metaphor or analogy seriously — in this case, thinking a motivational statement like “finish what you start” applies to eating junk food — makes for a classic joke. This quote also makes fun of the vague and sometimes impractical advice one might receive from a therapist.
maybe because at heart we all love to argue and be right about everything, or maybe because it's refreshing to debate a poop/lemonade song when everything else is so serious. I had the 5am news on this morning and by 5:05 I had heard about 3 deaths and an old lady whose house burned down with her in it at night. I see your point, but what you said was pretentious as hell. WOOT!

Funny Life Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

Friday, 7 February 2014

Funny Valentines Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

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Mickey Rooney
Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Rita Rudner
I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Tracy Smith
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
Francis Bacon
It is impossible to love and be wise.
Ally McBeal
It’s funny how we set qualifications to the right person to love, when we know at the back of our heads the person whom we truly love will always be an exception.
Mirabeau
Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.
Plato
Love is a grave mental disease.
Hoosier Farmer
Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.
Rita Rudner
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad -- stay up and fight.
Joyce Brothers
No matter how love sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
Oscar Wilde
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
Margaret Atwood
The Eskimos have fifty two words for snow because it is so special to them; there ought to be as many for love.
Ann Landers
The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.
Yiddish Proverb
Three things can't be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.
H. L. Mencken
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.
Jay Leno
Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.
Erich Segal
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
Anonymous
Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.
Rosanne Barr
Women are cursed, and men are the proof.
Mae West
Women with pasts interest men. They hope history will repeat itself.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." - Henry Kissinger
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch." - Cathy Carlyle
"Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing." - Jonathon Swift
"Love is a game that two can play and both win." - Eva Gabor
"Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart." - Author Unknown
"Falling in love is so hard on the knees." - Aerosmith
"Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then a thousand more." - Catullus
"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly." - Rose Franken
"Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, - but not for love." - William Shakespeare
"I love you like crazy, baby 'Cuz I'd go crazy without you." - Pixie Foudre
"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon." - Author Unknown
"Like I've always said, love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so damned much fun." - Armistead Maupin, Maybe the Moon
"What the world really needs is more love and less paper work." - Pearl Bailey
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." - Erich Segal
"Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker." - Author Unknown
"Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is." - Author Unknown
"Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely." - M*A*S*H, Hawkeye
"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia." - Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975

Funny Valentines Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

Funny Halloween Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

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"There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world."

- Jean Baudrillard

"This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."

- Conan O'Brien

"When I was a kid my family was really poor and I remember one Halloween I wanted to dress up really scary and my parents came home with a duck costume. I wore that costume for years! I hated it."
- R.L. Stine

"Proof of our society's decline is that Halloween has become a broad daylight event for many."
- Robert Kirby

"Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night."
- Steve Almond

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion."
- Henry David Thoreau

"Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to."
- Richard Harris Barham

"Everyone is a moon and has a dark side, which he never shows to anybody."
- Mark Twain

"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."
- George Carlin

"A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween."
- Erma Bombeck

"There are several ways to kill a zombie, but the most satisfying one is to stab it in the brain with a wooden stick."

- Dwight Schrute

"I heard one cry in the night, and I heard one laugh afterwards. If I cannot forget that, I shall not be able to sleep again."

- M.R. James

"Where there is no imagination there is no horror."

- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

"They that are born on Halloween shall see more than other folk."
- Anonymous

"Witch and ghost make merry on this last of dear October's days."
- Anonymous

"Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other."
- Sir Francis Bacon

"If a man harbors any sort of fear, it makes him landlord to a ghost."
- Lloyd Douglas

"I met this six year old child with this blank, pale, emotionless face, and the blackest eyes, the devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized that what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply evil."
- Dr Samuel Loomis

"My candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open."

- Mary Shelley

"The witches fly across the sky, The owls go, Who? Who? Who? The black cats yowl And green ghosts howl, Scary Halloween to you!"
- Nina Willis Walter

"Listen to them - the children of the night. What music they make."
- Bram Stoker

"The thing under my bed waiting to grab my ankle isn't real. I know that, and I also know that if I'm careful to keep my foot under the covers, it will never be able to grab my ankle."

- Stephen King

"There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery."
- Joseph Conrad

"Nothing beats a haunted moonlit night on All Hallows Eve…. And on this fatal night, at this witching time, the starless sky laments black and unmoving. The somber hues of an ominous, dark forest are suddenly illuminated under the emerging face of the full moon."
- Kim Elizabeth

"When witches go riding, and black cats are seen, The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween."
- Author Unknown

"How like a queen comes forth the lonely Moon From the slow opening curtains of the clouds Walking in beauty to her midnight throne!"

- George Croly, Diana

"My son wants to be Batman and he wants the Batman costume that comes in the mail. It has fake muscles in it, which is very disconcerting on a four-year-old."

- Matthew Broderick

"Once in a young lifetime one should be allowed to have as much sweetness as one can possibly want and hold."

- Judith Olney

"On Halloween, witches come true; Wild ghosts escape from dreams. Each monster dances in the park...."

- Nicholas Gordon

"Being born on Halloween, there's always a party. It's a convenient birthday because you don't really have to organize a party."

- Eddie Kaye Thomas

"You wouldn't believe on all Hallow Eve what lots of fun we can make, With apples to bob, And nuts on the hob, And a ring-and-thimble cake."

- Carolyn Wells

"As spirits roam the neighborhoods at night, Let loose upon the Earth till it be light."

- Nicholas Gordon

"Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen, Voices whisper in the trees, Tonight is Halloween!"

- Dexter Kozen

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."

- Marianne Williamson

"Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth-- more than ruin, more even than death."

- Bertrand Russell

"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."

- H P Lovecraft

"I saw thousands of pumpkins last night come floating in on the tide, Bumping up against the rocks and Rolling up on the beaches; It must be Halloween in the sea."

- Richard Brautigan

"Halloween wraps fear in innocence, As though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat..."

- Nicholas Gordon

Funny Halloween Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

Thursday, 6 February 2014

Funny Confucius Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

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Confucius Quotes

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. ~ Confucius

I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand. ~ Confucius

To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right. - Confucius

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. ~ Confucius

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. ~ Confucius

If we don't know life, how can we know death? ~ Confucius

Men's natures are alike; it is their habits that separate them. ~ Confucius

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. ~ Confucius

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. ~ Confucius
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.
When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.
He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger.
Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men.
Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.
Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?
The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large.
The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.
Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

Funny Confucius Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

Funny Confucius Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

Funny Confucius Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

Funny Confucius Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

Funny Valentine Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About Schook Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers About Life Lessons For Kids

Link source by google.com.pk

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." - Henry Kissinger
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch." - Cathy Carlyle
"Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing." - Jonathon Swift
"Love is a game that two can play and both win." - Eva Gabor
"Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart." - Author Unknown
"Falling in love is so hard on the knees." - Aerosmith
"Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then a thousand more." - Catullus
"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly." - Rose Franken
"Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, - but not for love." - William Shakespeare
"I love you like crazy, baby 'Cuz I'd go crazy without you." - Pixie Foudre
"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon." - Author Unknown
"Like I've always said, love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so damned much fun." - Armistead Maupin, Maybe the Moon
"What the world really needs is more love and less paper work." - Pearl Bailey
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." - Erich Segal
"Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker." - Author Unknown
"Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is." - Author Unknown
"Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely." - M*A*S*H, Hawkeye
"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia." - Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975
"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?""What the world really needs is more love and less paper work."
Pearl Bailey

‘I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.'
Dorothy Parker.

'My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.'
Rita Rudner.

‘Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.’
Aristotle

‘If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?’
Anonymous

‘Love is like a river, always changing, but always finding you again somewhere down the road.’
Kelly Elaine

’Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.’
Hawkeye, M.A.S.H.

‘Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.’
Anon

‘Friendship is one mind in two bodies.’
Mencius

"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke."
Lynda Barry

“Love is a game that two can play and both win.”
Eva Gabor

“When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks.”
Natalie Clifford Barney

"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times."
Rita Rudner

“Love is like war. Easy to begin with but hard to end”
Unknown

‘All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt…’
Lucy Van Pelt, Peanuts

’ Love is just a chocolate substitute.’
Melanie Clark

"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?" Lily Tomlin

‘Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.’
Hoosier Farmer

‘I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.’
Anonymous

‘We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.’
Tim McGraw

‘My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.’
Lee Iacocca

‘If you walk in front of me, I may not follow.
If you walk behind me, I may not lead.
If you walk beside me, I will be your friend.’
Albert Camus

‘You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.’
Chico Marx

"Love doesn't grow on trees like apples in Eden - it's something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too."
Joyce Carol Oates

’A kiss is an application on the top floor a job in the basement.’
Unknown

‘Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.’
Anonymous

‘Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.’
Thomas Robert Dewar

'Women are cursed, and men are the proof.'
Rosanne Barr.

'Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.'
Mickey Rooney.

‘I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.’
Anonymous

‘Sales Ad at a Store: 'You are my one and only' valentine cards, now on sale: 4 for $5.’
Anonymous

’Falling in love is so hard on the knees.’
Aerosmith

‘Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.’
Happy Valentines Day. (note to her gardener) Martha Stewart